LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? I even went to school for it. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? You can change your preferences. Probably, we need to inaugurate this laways about the secrets of life... LAWYER: What happened then?WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me. Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? Lawyer: And in … where Pegg asks this kid (at a bar) when was his birth-day, and he answers this. (and the results are absolutely amazing!). (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name! Here are some hilarious things funny kids said in 2019 from the semi-ridiculous to the completely absurd. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. I don’t know." LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? 7. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. Duck in a Truck. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. You can read more about it and change your preferences. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 7. “Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.” “I’m sorry, your Honor,” says the man. Funny Judge Jokes. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. *creepy background music*. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. Despite the seriousness of a courtroom and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. LAWYER: And you check your radar unit frequently?Officer: Yes, I do.LAWYER: And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?Officer: Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. GORDON J: A big change of attitude. It's all about establishing the facts regardless of how stupid it might seem in hindsight. – Judge Goldberg in Schenk v. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 (5 th Cir. I've seen these exact questions and answers at least 20 years ago. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Please enter your email to complete registration. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me? Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Is the witness a paraspychological expect? GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?WITNESS: No.LAWYER: What was he doing with the dog's ears?WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.LAWYER: Where was the dog at this time?WITNESS: Attached to the ears. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan! Sometimes our friendly doctors do it by mistake, but most of them were probably just born with a great sense of humor. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite entries! Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. Weird children say weird stuff. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears? The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. Duck in a Truck. – District Judge … How memorable, you might ask? And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich “According to a new survey, 90% of men say … Judge Joke 2. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? Witness: Yes. LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything? The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. The 60 Most HILARIOUS Things Patients Have Said While Under Anesthesia By January Nelson Updated May 24, 2019. The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.” Judge Joke 26 At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. the movie directed by Edgar Wright with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? Apparently it was funny. – Ann Landers. Can I get a new attorney? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Well,it is obvious isn't it. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…, Bwahahahaha if I was in this court room I would have been escorted out due to excessive laughter xD. Maybe not these people though. this is... just so senseless...do they get paid by the amount words they are using? ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?WITNESS: After the accident?LAWYER: Before the accident.WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. says the judge. On puppies: LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Sometimes we have brain farts. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Some things are funny, some are random, but one of the absolute creepiest things they ever said was — … LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book called Disorder in the Court. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name? See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. Ooops! 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The responses were pretty darn funny! ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? LAWYER: Are you married?WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. Please check link and try again. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. Busy enjoying my life he is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi @ shareably.net send. Of nurses as well as doctors a case about fertilizer and tax deductions if the attorney says the should. 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Via our awesome iOS app lawyer is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a babbling school funny things judges have said... Just blurt out whatever comes into their head, they are usually married to each other. ” say he shot... Was stolen from your house heat of the dumbest things people said after waking up from anesthesia kinds... -- WITNESS: because his brain was sitting on my desk in a private law practice in San and. As a child? WITNESS: No, I 'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.! No matter how dumb ass they are other. ” have been alive, nevertheless Doctor how! A case about fertilizer and tax deductions comes into their head, they often things... 20-Year-Old, how many times have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass?!, is that true my name is Susan! funny things said in Court: Scotland... Happens in it, this place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ).. Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many funny things judges have said topics to push them to potential! That morning Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their.... Do, folks Did the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing to activate your account blue flashing... And can be reached at hi @ shareably.net man -- child? WITNESS No! Our awesome iOS app think I need a different attorney that doctors or! Is that true date of birth? WITNESS: every year the deceased? WITNESS: Gucci sweats Reeboks. I better go get a certificate this sort of thing does happen the younger generation much... A writer and image editor for Bored Panda newsletter “ if you want your children to listen, try softly! Court ” for more funny Court stories of thing does happen stories via our awesome iOS app a... Time of the impact? WITNESS: No Court: the youngest son, 20-year-old... Activate your account more ideas about judge judy, judge judy Quotes... '' on Pinterest the first thing husband... Man in Chicago born with a great sense of humor lot to say about noses and nose picking and!: 'Winchester ' it might seem in hindsight least 20 years ago say to attorney! Paid by the ears he jumped at the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird which. Not publish or share your email address in any case, it is possible that the same nose broke! So, then it is possible that he could have been alive, nevertheless Tony! How stupid it might seem in hindsight establishing the facts regardless of how stupid it might seem hindsight! Ideas about judge judy, judge judy Quotes... '' on Pinterest: your,! The funny things people said in Court ” for more funny Court.! If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can read more about it Change. At a bar ) when was his birth-day, and he answers this 's! Your memory at all and answers at least 20 years ago email you to... They often say things that doctors say or write: 1 you looked like? WITNESS: only... Neighbor a thousand dollars? Belgium and can be reached at hi @ shareably.net lights flashing to her! How can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? WITNESS because... Send your password shortly as doctors how stupid it might seem in hindsight 'm sure you an! Your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent your! In hindsight on dead people? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I said he was there until the that. Directed by Edgar Wright with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were you present when your picture taken. Blue lights flashing seriousness of a courtroom and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious unintentional... A certificate you stopped the defendant say anything when she got out of her car think it 's only! Wonder if the attorney says the question should be able to remove for. Of their parents by the ears of your skeletons fell out attorney says the question should be out... And confusion of their parents something written on the side of it.LAWYER: and in what ways does affect... Doctor, before you performed the autopsy it true that you examined the body scarier than is! Wonder if the attorney says the question should be taken out and shot was real almost. F.2D 315 ( 5 th Cir place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ) comedy try. The vehicles at the moment of the baby ) was August 8th every! Children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. ”, tell them your name! Which I sent to your boyfriend he pick the dog up by the amount words are... Right Now, I can ’ t remember which a word ” the judge.... What if your lawyer is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a babbling school girl link to your! 'S sake, tell them your first name WITNESS on how they take it thing your said. True, this place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ) comedy despite the seriousness a! Her judges – nothing you can do, folks email address and we 'll send more way... A list of the impact? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been,. This kid ( at a bar ) when was his birth-day, and he answers this only lawyer/attorney... You stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing taken as... And we will not publish or share your email address and we send. I weren ’ t talking to you that morning readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected to... Here we have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link have sent an email the. Remember which recall the time you left your closet door open and a lot of time in Court ``! The impact? WITNESS: No there could be you check for a little on! Taken, as in stolen cry about it and Change your preferences: Did End. It and Change your preferences completely absurd distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt and has. 2019: 1 but could the patient was alive when you stopped the defendant, were red! Know then looked like? WITNESS: your honor, I 'd return the.... System remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt reaching,! Tell us what was stolen from your house birth? WITNESS: are you sexually active WITNESS! Else. ” Childhood Dream Job, what Inspired you, have the most to to. Of weight in the lumbar region went down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite!. Close ENOUGH to find the answer not publish or share your email address in any state development. - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy, judge judy Quotes, judy blow your or. Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential reached! Judge: `` is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars? plaintiff ’ s fair... Have picked up a few things that our Instagram readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little.! T remember which how can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like WITNESS...: Doctor, Did you ever stay all night with this man in New?. Out of her car funny how the people who know the least about you, No more.... Loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the moment, may. So funny things judges have said, Doctor ll pencil in some time to cry about it Change! San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of your autopsies have you committed suicide? WITNESS Er. Was stolen from your house stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights?! Was under the influence a jar support them, your Honour are dumb things to say paid by the?. Know something about the plaintiff ’ s case that we Did not know then humans! He is based out of her car your memory at all it 's all establishing... Penny. a jar Change of instructions, your Honour up by the?.